Listen to hear vs Listen to reply

At work or home, do you even get the feeling the other person(s) in the conversation are only giving you time to speak so they can reply? That time where you can give a meaningful contribution to the conversation is just a pause for the other person(s) for them to think about their next move? When they do reply they give no indication they’ve heard anything you’ve said and continued on their own merry way, their own line of thinking, or their own monologue.

Listen to hear vs. Listen to reply.

Listening to hear what someone else is saying, to understand what they’re saying, is an important skill, and one often overlooked in the sometimes fast or busy lives we have – “there’s no time to consider someone else’s views or thoughts, I will get this done my way.”

“Listening to reply is the standard way that most people communicate. What that means is that instead of really paying attention to what the other person is saying, you are already thinking about what you want to say in response.” – Sarah White

Meetings can sometimes be the worst place you’ll find this, especially if not everyone agrees with the topic or direction the work is taking. Who, in your meetings, do you identify as the worst offender of this – give others space and time to say their bit, but continue without considering what’s been said or just plain ignoring it? There’s always at least one, and it’s far worse when there are two or more in the same space … that’s a meeting where you know you’ll be invited to a follow-up to talk about the meeting you’ve just had.

What a waste.

The worst of this is the lack of respect shown in that meeting space. By ‘listening to reply’ the individual here is saying I’ve either not got time for your input or your input isn’t valid/important. Or worse, it isn’t wanted.

The art of listening is, for me, in decline. It’s not always easy to hear what others have to say, especially if time is tight or it may take the conversation or project along a different tack you’d been hoping for, but it is respectful to consider the alternative view.

It doesn’t always have to be an opposing or alternative view, it could quite easily be an idea or suggestion that could save time, money, resources, embarrassment, etc. Being an active listener is a skill, and an important one, that takes time and effort to learn. It’s not easy but it is worthwhile. There are rewards in this, and being a better and more respected communicator is just one.

You know what? You’ll never know if you don’t ‘listen to hear’.

Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash